i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
