you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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