gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
