i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
