if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
