What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
