brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
