I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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