Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
