That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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