We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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