I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am available for nakedness
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
