I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
