I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
