): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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