It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
