i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
