I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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