sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
