Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
