4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
