You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
