His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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