What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
