laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize