Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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