So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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