I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
