She's JV to your varsity
well I can't set my house on fire every night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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