Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
