OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
