Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize