The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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