Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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