I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
