So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
