were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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