So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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