i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm always down for nudity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
