For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
