I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
