its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
