also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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