where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
