i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize