He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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