there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
