I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
