Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
