We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
