Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
