Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
