Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
