I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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