So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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