omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
