we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
