i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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