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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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